I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
