Say something about gay babies.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
