A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
