if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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