My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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