Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
