Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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