I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
