Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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