THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
