Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
