i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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