It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
