ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
