I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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