Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
