she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
