It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
