Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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