are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Randomize
