and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize