I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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