I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I had to cum in my sink.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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