When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
