So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
