and you said cock pushups were impossible
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
