I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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