There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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