sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
