And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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