Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
