Kiss
Puke
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
