I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
