You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
