Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
pray to the hookup gods
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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