I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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