so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It's shark week go big or go home
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
