if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
