And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
