I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
