It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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