god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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