So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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