She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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