Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
