You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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