We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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