Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
