i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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