Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
