I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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