After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
