I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
