dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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