We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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