If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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