smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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