It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
