8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
