yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
