yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize