I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
All the doctor said was why
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
