literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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