you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
