Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
