Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
