I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
