I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
okay pat passed out under dana's car
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
